Ready to Engage?
by Paulina Ann
Summary: *COMPLETE* Follow-up to "Retaliation" as Keith continues to deal with the aftermath of his torture. Is he truly ready to engage in battle again against Doom? Just a 3 chapter bridge to the next story.
1. Chapter 1

**Ready to Engage?**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Voltron or any of its characters.

**This story is meant to bridge the gap between "Retaliation" and the upcoming story, "Duchess," which doesn't deal as much with the emotional PTSD except for the very beginning. After writing "Unbroken," I realized that there needed to be more about Keith's continued journey to deal with what he went through. This story is part of that journey. It's short... just 3 chapters, but I think you'll realize the importance in several areas at the conclusion. **

**Rating/Setting: **Rating is T. Setting is DotU about 2 months after the end of "Retaliation." I suppose this can be read without having read "Retaliation" and the stories prior, but it will make a whole heck of a lot more sense if you've read them.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Keith stood in an empty Castle Control. He had asked everyone to leave for "just a little bit." He did an override from a side console to raise the dais. As it rose, he moved to stand in front of station 1. For a solid minute he stood staring at the T-bar, and he felt his pulse quicken and his heart rate accelerate. Closing his eyes, he fought to control his rising anxiety. Images and feelings from his torture sessions with Lotor from two months ago pushed from his subconscious to his consciousness so that he finally had to gasp for air as he reached out to hold the cold metal of the entrance to his station.

Keith felt, rather than heard a presence behind him. The workers had probably been concerned for him when he asked them to leave Control. There was only one person they would have called. Lance.

"How long have you been standing there?" Keith asked once he had his breathing under control.

Now that he wasn't concerned about startling his friend, Lance walked up to the entryway to stand beside Keith. "Long enough to recognize a panic attack when I see one."

Keith let go of the frame and took a step to the side. He leaned his back against the cold metal. Bad decision. Memories of how the cold steel table in the torture chamber felt to his tattered back came rushing back to him. He closed his eyes as his breathing quickened again.

Lance watched with anger as his friend and commander struggled to fight off the memories created by a blue-skinned, white-haired demon. Both Lance and a psychiatrist had certified Keith fit for duty and command… were they wrong to do so? The lieutenant's facial expression hardened as he thought about what he would like to do to Lotor, Haggar, and all those on Doom. Seeing that Keith was coming out of the panic, he worked to control his own features so that his friend wouldn't be concerned.

"Talk to me, Keith, or talk to someone… anyone. Don't try to deal with this by yourself." What he didn't add was, '_or I might have to contact Garrison and change my recommendation about being fit for duty._' Lance was pleasantly surprised when Keith nodded yes and went to the auxiliary console and lowered the dais.

Only looking at the console while he worked, Keith said, "Walk with me to Black's pedestal."

As they exited Control, Keith gave the all clear for the workers to continue and added, "If the Queen is looking for me, tell her I'm out on Black's pedestal with Lance." He knew that she would be worried if she couldn't find him and he didn't answer his com unit. But if she knew he was talking to Lance, she wouldn't be worried… except about his state of mind. However, it couldn't be helped. Lance was right. He needed to talk.

On the walk across the bridge, Keith began…

"As you know, Gorma allowed me to go back to my normal workout regimen two weeks ago when he certified me fit for Lion practice."

Lance clarified, "You were allowed to go back as long as you didn't do exercises to strain your shoulders and that you wouldn't use the T-bar."

"Exactly."

Stopping abruptly and grabbing his friend's arm, he said sternly, "Did you disobey the doctor's orders, Keith?"

Looking coldly at the hand on his arm, Keith turned his gaze to Lance. Before he could proffer something biting, Keith grimaced as the look of concern flitted over Lance's face.

Seeing that his friend had been about to explode about his tone or some other imagined break of protocol, he worked to diffuse the situation. "I'm just worried about you, Keith." Most of the time Keith was his normal self; but there were rare moments like these when he was a powder keg ready to explode.

Letting out a deep breath, Keith apologized. "Sorry, Lance. I'm just sensitive I guess about people making judgments about my physical and mental state." Shrugging his shoulders with a slight wince, he added, "The by-product of being poked, prodded, and analyzed for weeks."

They started to walk again and Lance waited for his friend to continue.

"Just so you know, I actually HAVE been following Gorma's orders. It's just that, I did a couple of chin-ups in the gym yesterday. I thought doing just a few of them would be fine. I didn't plan to overdo it." A pregnant pause followed. Keith's voice was a whisper as he continued. "I had to stop after the second one. My right shoulder was screaming in agony. I immediately took some pain meds and anti-inflammatory pills." At this point he shot Lance a rueful smile. "You'd be proud of me. I went to Gorma and told him."

Whistling, Lance returned the smile and said, "You must have been really concerned."

They reached the pedestal of Black and rode up in silence. They moved to sit with their legs hanging over the side facing the castle.

"I AM concerned Lance. There's no way I can grab that T-bar and go down without being in pretty bad pain. I'll be injured before I can even get in the Lion."

"Take the elevator down to the wagon wheel and get in the shuttle there. It's an easy solution."

Looking at Red's pilot, Keith said, "You know that time can mean lives in this war. My delay can mean deaths."

Frowning at Keith, Lance said, "You know we need you. You KNOW that you are the best man for the job. I hope you're not asking me to replace you or find you a replacement."

"I don't know what I'm asking. I just don't want to be a liability to the team."

Chuckling at this, Lance said, "No way, bro. You're the glue that holds us together. Sure we can fight and win without you, but it's easier with you."

"Thanks, Lance, I'll try to remember that…"

There was a moment of silence and then Lance asked, "What happened in Castle Control? I've never seen you have a panic attack."

Closing his eyes for a moment, Keith searched for the words to explain. Opening his eyes, he trained them on a specific spot. It was the location of the balcony that he and Allura considered theirs. It gave him something positive to dwell on while his mind took him back two months.

His voice was low and his body incredibly still. "You are one of the few who know EXACTLY what happened to me on Doom. I think my frustration and… concern… over not being able to use the T-bar triggered memories. Knowing that grabbing that T-bar will bring back the agony I felt when I hung from those chains or when my shoulders were dislocated…" His eyes closed for a very long moment before opening. "I just need to go to that station every day and work on understanding my feelings and work through them."

Lance thought it was incredible that Keith was able to work this out. He should have realized the analytic captain would have a plan to get his mental faculties back to their precision order.

"I also plan on talking to one of the counselors on staff." Seeing the look on Lance's face, Keith gave a wry smile. "I know, volunteering to go to the doctor doesn't sound like me. I hope that my saying that hasn't caused you to worry about me further."

Actually laughing at this, Lance said, "Nope. I'm very encouraged by it." Shaking his head, he continued. "I don't even pretend to know what you went through." Turning to look at the castle he added with emotion, "I'm just glad you came back."

"I'm not all the way back, but I plan on getting there." Keith's voice was determined.

Lance smiled inwardly and thought, _'And that's the attitude that's going to get you there, buddy.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ready to Engage?**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Voltron or any of its characters.

**This story is meant to bridge the gap between "Retaliation" and the upcoming story, "Duchess," which doesn't deal as much with the emotional PTSD except for the very beginning. After writing "Unbroken," I realized that there needed to be more about Keith's continued journey to deal with what he went through. This story is part of that journey. It's short... just 3 chapters, but I think you'll realize the importance in several areas at the conclusion. **

**Rating/Setting: **Rating is T. Setting is DotU about 2 months after the end of "Retaliation." I suppose this can be read without having read "Retaliation" and the stories prior, but it will make a whole heck of a lot more sense if you've read them.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Keith was true to his word. He spoke to Dr. Gorma about his concerns and set up sessions with one of the staff counselors.

A week later, Dr. Gorma called Keith to his office and when Keith left, he had a spring in his step. The doctor gave him a hypo with a pain killer and anti-inflammatory that he could use on his shoulder to ride the T-bar down if there was an emergency. Dr. Gorma had stressed that it was short-term and the pain would probably hit him about the time he got to the Lion. It would be manageable, but it would be there. Giving him something stronger, however, could promote dependence, and he wouldn't put the commander in that kind of position. Keith felt that Dr. Gorma had been overwhelmed at his profuse thanks for the hypo, but he hadn't been able to help himself. He felt this hypo would help him with his anxiety regarding the T-bar. He was on his way to find Lance when the claxons sounded.

Running into Castle Control, Keith saw that the whole team had already arrived and were looking with concern at the Doom ship that was headed toward the castle. "Who is it?" Keith called out.

Allura turned to him with concern in her eyes, "We don't know, they aren't answering hails."

Not even blinking, Keith said, "It doesn't matter. You know I'm going whether it's Lotor, Haggar, or Zarkon himself. Raise the dais, Coran."

"Yes, Commander!" Coran called out and started the sequence.

The eyes of every Force member were on Keith as he pulled out the hypo and pressed it to his arm. "Don't worry," he said confidently to them. "Gorma gave it to me." At their looks of disbelief, he couldn't help but frown and say, "I promise. He did." Looking at all of them, he continued. "I can't go down for thirty seconds." He looked at his watch and noticing that no one had moved, he added, "I BETTER not beat any of you down."

It was all the encouragement the team needed as they smiled and headed to their portals.

Keith felt a slight churning in his stomach as the time counted down and he thought of grabbing the T-bar. The time was up and he ran to his portal and stopped dead, memories of the torture flashing in front of his eyes.

Coran knew that Keith hadn't jumped and peered over the side. '_You can do it, Keith! Don't let memories stop you._' He thought, mentally willing the young man to jump.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Keith opened them and said quietly as he jumped, "You're not going to stop me."

Having heard the words, Coran wondered if Keith had been talking to himself, his memories, or Lotor. Smiling and moving back to the station, he decided it didn't matter. The commander was back.

As Keith held on to the bar and traveled the spiral path downward, he smiled broadly. He felt liberated and victorious before the battle had even begun. Sure, there was discomfort in his shoulders as hung from them, but it was indeed manageable. Keith wasn't naïve enough to think that the pain wouldn't spike later once he was in his Lion, but just knowing that he could make the trip the traditional way lifted his spirits.

But it was all business as his chair locked into position and he set his key.

"Okay team, what's he look like?" Keith called as his Lion leapt eagerly from the pedestal.

"Big, dark, and ugly," replied Hunk.

"I'd say it's some type of lizard robeast." Pidge added.

The robeast came into view on Keith's screen. "I'd say you are both correct." What Keith saw was indeed a lizard-like robeast that was a rust color with vivid blue eyes. In the places where its body wasn't covered in armor, it was covered in scales. Its hands and feet were claw-like, ending in talons, and it had a long lizard tail.

Red and Yellow Lions were already engaging it, trying to distract it from the town that it was destroying. The town had just finished a rebuilding project and from the looks of it, they would have to start again.

Keith's heartbeat quickened as the lizard beast turned in his direction. Stopping its destructive actions on the village, it moved toward him. Red, Yellow, and now Green continued to fire upon the beast, but it seemed to be ignoring them, instead focusing on the Black Lion headed its way.

Allura's voice came through the com unit, "Keith, maybe you should-"

"No, Allura, I can't back off. They're testing me. They're testing us. If we show that we're protecting my Lion, we'll give them an advantage." His voice softened ever so slightly, "I'll be fine." The words had no sooner left his mouth than a sharp pain blazed through his right shoulder and a dull ache settled into his left. Grimacing slightly, he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from letting out a sound that indicated he was in pain. Gorma was right; it hurt like blazes, but he could manage it.

"Okay." Allura said as she switched off the com. Keith liked to tell her he was fine, but she knew he was still working through things – physically and emotionally. But he was right. Either they would show Doom that they were still in control, or they would show Doom that they had a weakness. Closing her eyes for just a moment, she prayed for the former. Opening them, she joined the attack on the robeast.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ready to Engage?**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Voltron or any of its characters.

**This story is meant to bridge the gap between "Retaliation" and the upcoming story, "Duchess," which doesn't deal as much with the emotional PTSD except for the very beginning. After writing "Unbroken," I realized that there needed to be more about Keith's continued journey to deal with what he went through. This story is part of that journey. It's short... just 3 chapters, but I think you'll realize the importance in several areas at the conclusion. **

**Rating/Setting: **Rating is T. Setting is DotU about 2 months after the end of "Retaliation." I suppose this can be read without having read "Retaliation" and the stories prior, but it will make a whole heck of a lot more sense if you've read them.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

On board the Doom battle cruiser, Cossack watched the Lions attack. He was in radio contact with Doom about the mission and how the Voltron Force performed. "All the Lions are currently attacking the robeast except for the Black Lion, but he didn't launch as quickly as the other Lions." Cossack could hear Haggar and Zarkon talking in the background.

Haggar's face appeared on the side video console, allowing him to watch both the battle and communicate visually with Doom. "Have you ordered the robeast to attack the Black Lion as we told you?"

Smirking at the old witch, he said, "Of course I have. Do you think I want you to send me off to the Crystal Galaxy with Prince Lotor?"

The witch's yellow eyes narrowed as she retorted, "Watch your words, Cossack. It's never too late to send you." Seeing an appropriate response of fear from Cossack, she continued, "See that you continue to follow orders. Whether we win or not, we need to see how the Voltron Commander performs in battle since his… captivity."

Cossack nodded in understanding and turned back to watch the battle. Word had spread on Doom and through the galaxy that Lotor had captured and tortured the Voltron Commander. How he and a Drule doctor had managed to get away from Haggar's compound so easily, had yet to be figured out. As a result of the escape, and a warning from the Galaxy Alliance, Lotor had been banished. At least for the moment, he was sent to the Crystal Galaxy to bring glory and victory for Zarkon and Doom. He was just glad that they had left him here.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Keith flew toward the lizard and fired several missiles before veering away. The robeast turned to follow. Seeing that the beast had orders that centered on him, Keith gave directions to the team. "Seems like they really do want to test me. Let's make this work in our favor. I'll draw it away from the village. Once we're in open ground, I'll do several attack runs to show that I'm not intimidated and then we'll form Voltron and take it out. Agreed?" Keith heard only affirmation from his team. It did seem kind of funny to him. The T-bar had given him panic attacks at the castle, but fighting this robeast? Except for dealing with the pain in his shoulder, it was no big deal.

They were now at the open terrain east of the town, and Keith turned Black and did an attack run scoring hits to the lizard's head. The rest of the Lions joined in the attack and soon they were like a swarm of bees. At one point Keith took a hit from the reptilian tail but bounded quickly back up into the fray. He could hear the sounds of relief from his teammates as he strafed the beast with ion darts.

"Okay, enough with the small stuff, let's bring out the heavy artillery!" Moving his hands over the controls, he said, "Let's form Voltron."

Everything went smoothly for the team and soon Voltron was hovering in the sky with the blazing sword at his side. As the remains of the robeast smoked on the ground below, Voltron turned his head to see the Doom cruiser heading out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cossack relayed the information to Doom and expected to hear condemning comments from the witch and king. Instead, all he got was a nod of the head and an order to return to Doom. _What was going on?_ He'd keep his questions to himself as making inquiries sometimes led to mysterious disappearances. Yep, he'd just wait and follow orders.

Zarkon turned off the video unit and waved all the soldiers out of the throne room. Turning to Haggar, he said, "What do you think, Haggar?"

Haggar opened her arms and Koba jumped into them. Scratching the feline between the ears, she said, "I think that the commander can handle battles with robeasts. That was obvious from the battle. However, he was slightly behind the others in launching. I will have to use my castle spies to see what problems the prince consort may be having physically or emotionally. I'm sure there will be something we can use."

"How does this affect the vision you had of the Arusian Queen defeating Doom?" Zarkon asked roughly. "We let the irritating commander go so that your vision wouldn't happen. Aren't you asking for trouble by targeting him again?"

"Sire, I'm not thinking of torturing him again. But there are spells and ways to affect the mind. It may even be possible for me to get into his mind without anyone knowing." Haggar cackled as Zarkon took a long draw on a goblet of wine.

"Will it involve my son?"

"I'm uncertain of that, my King; however, the commander is sure to have VERY vivid memories of the prince and his torture. I'm sure that seeing him again could cause severe mental stress for Kogane. I will have to meditate and consult my crystals."

Haggar turned to go and only stopped as Zarkon called out, "Be sure to let me know what you're up to, witch."

Casting a wicked smile over her shoulder, Haggar left the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the team entered Castle Control, everyone was all smiles and gave Keith pats on the back. His left hand was on his right shoulder as he smiled through the pain. "I think I'll head to see Gorma," Keith said as the congratulations died down and the team realized he was hurting. "Thanks for sticking with me guys, I know you had to have some doubts-"

"Never for a moment, Chief," Hunk said.

"I'd never count you out, Commander." Pidge added.

Lance and Allura didn't say anything; any doubts that they may have had were silenced by Keith's strong performance in battle.

"Well, thanks anyway." Glancing towards the exit, he said, "Now if the doc can just get my shoulder to stop hurting, we'll be back on track."

Taking his left arm, Allura said, "I think we're back on track already, Keith."

The two were smiling at each other as they left the room for the medical facility.

The rest of the Force and Coran just smiled at them as they left. Indeed, they did seem to be back on track.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haggar entered her lab and placed Koba on a table. He hissed at being put down. The scratching had been very pleasing.

"Now, now, my pet. Work before pleasure." Haggar moved to a glass front cabinet and reached into a dark corner to pull out a small glass jar with a lid. Holding it up to the light, Haggar looked at the commander's ebony black hair inside that was coated with blood. She hadn't used all of it in her divination months before. Yes, she though as she put it back into the dark corner, she had ways to get into the commander's mind…


End file.
